❤️

it is strange,because i think i love her,and for the past few days i have been asking myself what it is exactly that makes me love her

maybe it is because i do not know how to say any of this without hiding behind a screen. i can write about her for hours,but when it comes to telling her how much she means to me,every word suddenly feels too small.in my head,everything is beautiful,but the moment i try to say it out loud, my courage disappears.

i am living through the darkest season of my life, and every time she gets close,i push her away.i build walls and lock every door i can find,yet somehow she keeps finding her way back to me. she stands outside does not force her way in.she just stays and that might be what breaks my heart the most because she’s patient.

she always makes me laugh,even when she has no idea that five minutes before calling me i was the saddest person in the world.somehow,by the time she hangs up,i am smiling at my phone like everything is going to be okay

she looks at me with something i had almost forgotten existed,something quieter,love

i feel it when she stares at me for a second too long.i feel it in the spaces between her words.i feel it in the way she stays

and it is strange because i have not allowed myself to feel any of this in a very long time.i convinced myself that love belonged to other people,yet with her,it feels natural,like breathing,like something my heart remembers even when my mind tries to forget

sometimes i wonder if we are toxic for each other because we are both afraid.we keep reaching for one another and pulling away at the same time. two scared people standing on opposite sides of a bridge,terrified to cross and terrified not to

but I think there are moments that quietly change the course of your life,and i have a feeling she is one of them

i do not know what the future looks like.i do not know if we will last a month,a year,or a lifetime i only know that right now,when i think about all the places i could be,all the people i could choose,all the futures i could imagine,i still choose her